Zeitgeist, the bell tolls for thee

Shock, dismay, and overall disgust were just some of the feelings pulsating through the Amalgamation office when it was discovered that Google has discontinued the Zeitgeist for some daily abomination called “Hot Trends.” Boo and hiss. The Amalgamation staff will have to look into the new indicator and see whether a semi-regular feature can be developed from its content. Boo and hiss. Here now, for the last time, is the Wochegeist.

1. jerry falwell: The founder of and driver behind the Moral Majority, and one of the most controversial Christian leaders of the past two decades, passed away in his office at Liberty University last week. I rarely agreed with Falwell’s more outlandish (some might say “fundamentalist”) positions, be they religious or political, but I’m sure he was a decent man who, like all of us, was striving to do right by the call which he had been given. It will be interesting to see how political views of the American Protestant Church (if it even can be combined into a single entity) will react as the ‘old guard’ (ie, Falwell, Dobson, Robertson) fades from the spotlight.
2. halo 3 beta: I’m going to guess that this refers to a testable, non-final version of Halo 3, which is a first-person shooter game designed (I think exclusively) for the Xbox. I’m sure most gamers are salivating at the very notion. I never got into first-person shooter games. I was always the player who would run around the maze-like levels with abandon, only to come around the corner and be shot in the face by my fellow, much more experienced, gamer. This must be what Harry Whittington experienced that fateful day.
3. melinda doolittle: The second runner-up in this season’s incarnation of American Idol. She has a great voice, but little appeal with the AI masses. My boy Tony Kornheiser predicts a long career as a lounge singer for Ms. Doolittle. Either that, he says, or she’ll be in the next Shrek movie. I can’t entirely disagree.
4. kim kardashian: The only thing I’ll say is that she’s a close friend of Paris Hilton, and is apparently dating New Orleans Saints RB Reggie Bush (if your interested further, see the wikipedia entry, which tells you everything you need to know and is the least offensive).
5. preakness: The second race of horse racing’s triple crown (Kentucky-Preakness-Belmont). Sadly for Street Sense, the winner of the  Kentucky Derby, he was edged out by none other than the spirit of Barbaro. Even after breaking his foot and being put down, somehow Barbaro showed amazing pluck and won the race in which he fell last year. There is scheduled to be a memorial for Barbaro’s spirit in the coming weeks. It’ll be attended by Elvis, Santa Claus, and the Easter Bunny.
6. shrek the third: The third incarnation of the Shrek franchise. I couldn’t begin to tell you the premise of this movie, except that it’s bound to include amazing animation, Eddie Murphy (and thus an incredible amount of potty humor), and a good deal of smart satire. I think the wife and I will wait until it’s out on DVD.
7. taylor swift: I have absolutely no idea who this is. Perhaps it’s someone who makes clothes at a rapid pace. Perhaps it’s a certain kind of guitar. Maybe it’s someone who won American Idol last year, made zero noise, and changed his name to gain more attention.
8. phoenix suns: The NBA team, led by Steve Nash, that got jobbed in the second round of the playoffs. San Antonio could have won the series on its own merit, but David Stern and his toadies had to skew the series in the Spurs favor by not showing leniency on a stupid rule. And, though I love this blog’s author like a brother, there’s a player on the Spurs of the same last name who I think is a complete punk. And he’s a punk when not playing Smash Bros.
9. yolanda king: I want to say that she is a gospel singer, but I know that’s Yolanda Adams. I have no clue who this might be and why people were searching for her. I’m going to guess that she is being floated as a replacement for Katie Couric on CBS. Yeah…that’s it.
10. opie and anthony: I’m in the dark. My guess? It’s a new ABC buddy comedy which pairs Ron Howard with Denver Nuggets forward Carmelo Anthony. The light-hearted comedy is sprinkled with meaningful communication over racial issues and generational differences. This has ‘hit ABC comedy’ written all over it. Wait, can such a thing exist.

Wochegeist returns (part 2)

Here’s the second part of the Wochegeist return. As always, it’s based on the Google Zeitgeist.

Week ending 12 May

1. amanda beard. A U.S. swimmer of some consequence who, I think, recently posed for a popular men’s rag. It would be much cooler if she were on the list because she has a beard. Alas, ’tis not to be.
2. spencer tunick. The only thing I know about this person is that his last name likely sounds like an article of clothing. I’m going to guess that he’s a rock star or an actor. And I’m going to guess that he won Survivor. A guess I make based on no realistic grounds.
3. james franco. An actor who has come to prominence as Peter Parker’s brooding friend-turned-nemesis in the Spiderman franchise. Franco’s decent enough in the first two Spiderman films; I haven’t yet seen the third. I think he was also in a James Dean biopic, though that was likely due to both having the same first name and both looking like a ne’r-do-well.
4. mothers day poems. This says two things to me: 1) a lot of people want to regail their mothers with clever and heartfelt poems on Mother’s Day, and 2) a lot of people aren’t creative or ambitious enough to try crafting a clever and heartfelt poem on their own. Cultivate that creativity, friends, even if the poem wouldn’t make it on a Hallmark card.
5. 28 weeks later. A sequel to the 2005 (I think) thriller 28 weeks. I have no desire to see either the first or the current incarnation of this ‘franchise’. Perhaps the next film in the franchise will be called 56 weeks later, at which point, you might very well say “A little over a year later.”
6. de la hoya. Oscar de la Hoya is a boxer who fought (and lost to) Floyd Merriweather in what many think may have been boxing’s last hurrah as a major sporting event. Apparently boxing used to be the cat’s meow back when the phrase “cat’s meow” was still in use. Why the decline? Three things: 1) It’s too brutal for many people, 2) it’s not brutal enough for others (enter UFC), and 3) it’s hard to market boxing the way you can market the major sports (ie, through jerseys, hats, action figures). A match-used mouth guard doesn’t have the same cache as a game-used jersey, I guess.
7. paris hilton. I’m going to be dead serious and say that if you don’t know who Paris Hilton is you are 1) among the most fortunate people alive, and 2) seriously out of the “loop.” By loop I mean consciousness. Apparently her sentence will now be reduced to 23 days. This is not nearly long enough.
8. spiderman 4. I guess there’s going to be a fourth installment in the Spiderman franchise. Or is it that people are hoping there will be a fourth. Oh, who are we kidding? You could cast Bob Newhart as Spiderman and still draw a huge opening weekend crowd. Think about it, the webs still shoot from the wrist, but you get Bob Newhart’s deadpan delivery throughout. w00t!
9. roger clemens. One of the greatest pitchers of his era, and the scourge of the modern era of baseball. Seriously, Roger, I think it’s time you rode off into the sunset instead of holding out like a chump and playing a mere half season. Part of my animosity toward Clemens comes from the fact that he signed with the Yankees for what would amount to the highest single-season salary in history. And Yankee fans wonder why everybody else hates the Yankees…
10. steve gash nash. The gritty little Canuck who’s led the Phoenix Suns for the past few years. He and the Suns won their first round playoff series against the Lakers with relative ease. Then, in the second round, they (literally) ran into the Spurs. It is one of those series that will be remembered for a long time as highly unfair (as this great post points out so well). In Game 1 of the second round, he and Tony Parker bonked heads, producing an owie on both of their heads. Nash, however, is a gusher, and was forced to sit out the final three minutes. D’oh!

Wochegeist returns (part 1)

Now that the shackles of coursework have been loosed, I figured I’d try my pen at the wochegeist again; it’s such a fun feature to write. It’s based on this indicator from The Google. For what it’s worth I’m astonished the Queen isn’t on either this list or the next one (which will be part 2). Perhaps we Yanks aren’t as taken with the British monarchy as is popularly thought.

Week ending 5 May

1. american idol. The TV juggernaut that’s close to jumping the shark. I get all my Idol analysis from Tony Kornheiser–I think that’s how everybody should experience Idol. He’s not too fond of this year’s crop, as evidenced by the following quotes: “What I hate in Blake is Blake.” “What I hate in Melinda…is that quality of, ‘Me? You think I’m good? You’re picking me? Oh, Gosh I can’t believe it! I have no neck!” She doesn’t, you know.
2. nfl draft. The geekiest two days in all of sports. During these two days, we find out everything we could possibly want to know about each draft pick, including that one guy that has “tremendous upside” but doesn’t get drafted. There were two big surprises this year: 1) see #3, and 2) the Patriots trading for Randy Moss. Now Patriots fans get to be consistently underwhelmed by Moss.
3. brady quinn. The Notre Dame QB who dropped to #22 in the draft, and was finally drafted by the Cleveland Browns. Sure he lost millions of dollars by dropping from the top 5 to 22, but I doubt he’s going to be hurting too badly. Oh wait, he’s on the Browns.
4. kentucky derby. The first race of horse racing’s triple crown. I think a horse named Street Sense won. Even the Queen of England showed up for this year’s race (she’s raised horses since she was 10). I’ve never gotten into horse racing, but you have to love an event where old school Southern hospitality, gentility, and ornate women’s hats are on display. No way there are overtones of aristocracy in this sport.
5. alycia lane. The female TV anchor from Philly who sent Rich Eisen pictures of herself in a bikini. Much to her chagrin, she sent them to the e-mail account that Rich Eisen and his wife (see #7) share. D’oh! Am I the only guy who can’t understand fawning over Rich Eisen? (Ed.-Yes. Yes you are. Most other guys think, “I wonder what she looks like?”) Dan Patrick: maybe. Mike Greenburg: absolutely. Greg Gumbel: well… But Rich Eisen? Perhaps Ms. Lane is attracted to his balding pate vast knowledge of football.
6. cinco de mayo. Based on my limited knowledge of Spanish, I’m going to guess that this means, “The fifth of May.” I know y’all are impressed. It’s a time to celebrate and prepare squiself for seis de mayo and siete de mayo.
7. suzy shuster. Rich Eisen’s wife. In response to Ms. Lane’s overtures, Suzy Schuster replied with a brilliant riposte–bravo, Suzy!. I can truly understand* Rich’s plight, and I’m sure is embarrassed by the whole encounter. It’s a good thing, however, that he didn’t get the Bea Arthur bikini shots. Woof!
8. josh hancock. Sadly, I think this is the St. Louis Cardinals pitcher who died in a car accident recently. This is quite different from the Darryl Kile death of a few years ago, as Kile’s was due to a physical condition (heart failure, I think) and Hancock died due in large part to his own indiscretion (I’m 99.8% sure his blood alcohol level was more than double the legal limit). I’m not trying to speak ill of the dead, just comparing the two circumstances. Both very, very sad.
9. spiderman 3. The third movie in what will undoubtedly be a series of 13 Spiderman movies. It made a boatload of money on its first weekend, surpassing records that its predecessors also surpassed. If you’ve seen previews, you know that Spiderman punches clean through a guy made of sand. How can sand be so dense one moment, and so loose the next? For that matter, it must be a bear to take a dump if your insides are made of sand. I’m just sayin’…
10. golden state warriors. The Bay Area’s NBA team. They, as the #8 seed in the Western conference, stunned the #1 Dallas Mavericks in the first round of the NBA playoffs (which will hopefully finish sometime before the New Jerusalem is established). They’re fun. They’re sassy. One of them has a tremendous beard that those of us with patchy wispy no facial hair envy. They’re subsequently down 3-1 to the Jazz of Utah.

Well, I hope you enjoyed the return of the Wochegeist. Part 2 is in the offing. In the mean time, if you want to read an…interesting (and I mean interesting in the way that Michael Moore’s films are interesting) article about the interagency process on Iraq, you could go read this article. It’s more of an e-mail explanation thing if you’re interested.
* You should ask the purveyor of this blog or this blog for enlightenment.

Wochegeist, double dose

I’ve been taking the last two days off for studying purposes (my comprehensive exam is just over three weeks away). It’s been quite productive. I’ve been filling breaks with this regular semi-regular feature. I figured I’d do a double dose this week in the hopes that it’ll become more regular. If you haven’t yet, I encourage you to head over to a newly-formatted B’n'G to read about social conservatism. As always, I get the rankings from this fine indicator from the ruler of the world.

week ending 3 March

1. antonella barba. American Idol contestant and Catholic University (DC) student with atrocious judgment. There are photos floating around of her…in various states of undress. Apparently she’s awful on Idol, but she’s still around (probably helped enormously by the college/high school male vote). Let’s say it together, folks, “Don’t do things that get caught on camera that you’ll regret if your parents see it.”
2. american idol.The phenomenon that’s taking over the world. 30 million people watch this show each week. That’s amazing! The show is now down to 12 contestants, which starts tonight. From what I’ve heard on a certain radio show, the girls are just destroying the guys.
3. oscars. I’ve already done a run-down of this annual self-congratulatory exercise. Short version: Ellen was fine, the montages were not, and Al Gore still couldn’t excite Dick Vitale.
4. helen mirren. Winner of the Best Actress Oscar for her performance in The Queen. The film looks great–it’s on our Netflix. Even though I’ve only seen previews/clips, she looks astoundingly like the present Queen of England. Unfortunately, they just couldn’t find anyone who looks as…unique as Charles.
5. jennifer hudson. Winner of the Best Actress in a Supporting Role Oscar for her performance in Dreamgirls. She was also, at one point, rejected by the American Idol folks. <weighing options>Oscar…American Idol…Oscar…American Idol…</weighing options> I’d go with the Oscar, and not just because it looks like it weighs a lot.
6. giant squid. “One of these things is not like the other…” I’m going to guess that a giant squid was found. I think I remember seeing something about this, and my recollection places it somewhere in the Pacific Ocean. To be fair, that’s like saying “my recollection places it somewhere in Eurasia,” but so be it. Ryanshmyan, as our resident science guy, do you have any further information?
7. al gore. The man who invented the internet and the first to bring the plight of global warming to the world’s attention. He was also, at one point, the Vice President. He is also a man who would like to blow up the Electoral College. He’s in the news because he’s such an inspiration to Hollywood that he won an Oscar and had a couple of un-funny bits during the telecast. I never thought I’d hear the words “Al Gore” and “inspiration” in the same sentence without the phrase “really not an.”
8. national weather service. There has been a good deal of bad weather throughout the US over the past month. Upstate New York’s outdoor basketball hoops all got buried, there were killer (sic) tornadoes, and lots of bitter cold. Oh, and Washington DC saw clouds the other day. Close all the schools! We can’t drive when it’s cloudy!
9. babel. Film nominated for Best Picture, Best Director, and all sorts of awards that came away with, I think, 2 or 3 statues. I think the movie looks really interesting, but it also looks confusing in the way that Traffic/Syrianna were. From previews, one can see that Brad Pitt is starting to go grey. And yet, he’s still good looking.
10. leelee sobieski. She used to be an actress, and she likely still is. An out-of-the-blue situation like this, though, generally means some kind of indiscretion or sad story. I’m going to go with the indiscretion. Wasn’t she Joan of Arc?

week ending 10 March

1. ann coulter. Oof! I don’t want to touch this one with a ten foot pole. Ann Coulter is the shrillest, meanest Conservative commentator whose “work” is detrimental in every sense of the word. And yet, somehow, she still gets on talk shows. She annoys me.
2. 300. A new movie about the battle at Thermopylae, during which 300 Spartans held off an army of Persians until the rest of the Greeks showed up. From the previews, I can gather three things, 1) the Greeks looked like Midwestern Scandanavian people, 2) the Persians looked like orcs, and 3) everything happened as a graphic novel in the 5th Century BC. It broke the all-time box office record for a March weekend last weekend, I think. It’s not my bag, but some may enjoy it.
3. elizabeth hurley. Former (current?) actress who just got married. The only movie in which I’ve seen Elizabeth Hurley is the first Austin Powers. I thought she was alright in that movie, though I can imagine it’s hard not to be alright as the sex object in a spy film.
4. lunar eclipse. The moon is completely blocked out, which happened last week. I didn’t get a chance to see it, but it sounds like a cool phenomenon.
5. captain america. Superhero of comic book fame, part of the Super Friends, I think. In a shocking development, Captain America died last week on the steps of the NYC courthouse. The creator said he hasn’t ruled out reviving Captain America. This means that, when the comic book sales are sagging, Captain America will likely return. Sounds like a retirement ploy that’s been used once or twice in boxing.
6. iditarod. An annual dog sled race between Alaska and Minnesota, I think. I’m sure it’s going on now (or just happened). With the warmer temperatures this year, they probably had to move it up so it didn’t become scraping a dog sled over uneven, un-snow covered ground. I always think of Iron Will when I think dog sledding. Now that was some quality Disney entertainment.
7. frenchie davis. Former American Idol contestant who was booted off the show because of…indiscretions (cf. Barba, Antonella). I can only assume that people are searching for her because there’s been talk that Idol is practicing a double standard (read: racism) by not booting Antonella for similar offenses to Frenchie’s. Again, I think it’s best that we all leave our clothes on, thus avoiding this whole conversation.
8. lottery. Some guy from Georgia (I think) who lives with his mother won over $150 million in the lottery. Of course, he chose to take the immediate payout rather than the gradual payout. I opine every time that it seems smarter, to me, to take the gradual payout, but I’d probably take the fast cash. Come to think of it, at my age, it would be wiser to take the fast cash and invest–it would be worth more in the long run. Honey, I’ve got my new strategy.
9. daylight savings. For some reason, the loss of an hour–a yearly routine that has been around since the 1950s–has caused considerable wailing and gnashing of teeth amongst the U.S. populace. I understand that it’s three weeks earlier this year, but it happens every year! There’s nothing special about losing an hour of sleep in March vs. April. In fact, I like the extra hour now. Oh, and thank goodness the universe didn’t explode because of Y2K7.
10. acc tournament. Even the google has an East Coast bias. The ACC tournament is a basketball tournament from which the winner is guaranteed an NCAA tournament birth. UNC beat NC State for the title (hat tip: Deadspin).

Have a great week. It’s the opening round of the NCAAs, how can you not?

Update: The ‘UNC beat NC State’ link was fruitless, so I changed it. You should really check out this video. It’s pretty funny (and sort of cute).

Wochegeist, week ending 24th Feburary

Okay, I’m not going to even pretend that this is going to be a weekly feature anymore (not that you thought that it was, of course). It’s quite enjoyable, and I’ll do it when I get ’round to it. Things are busy in al bayt amalgamation. AU classes, Arabic classes, working for the ***** Department, and studying for my comp exam keep me on my toes. Fortunately, my toes can support a lot of weight. As always, this indicator drives this exercise. Here goes…

1. britney spears. Former pop star who checked into and out of rehab a number of times, shaving her head in the process. I actually have some sympathy for her (and her children); the paparazzi are relentless, and she’s obviously dealing with some rough stuff. Who knows how this will end up–hopefully well. Knowing Hollywood, there’s already a movie in the works, with Jack Nicholson slated to play the lead.

2. lunar new year. Some people measure time by the moon, and the moon says the new year has begun. I’m not knocking lunar calendars–I think it makes a lot of sense…sort of–I just prefer my Roman calendar, thanks. The only downside of the Roman calendar is that it keeps reminding me that I’ve got a comp exam in six weeks.

3. antonella barba. One of the remaining American Idol contestants, she’s in the news because there are some racy photos of her on one of the public image destroyingsocial networking sites (eg. MySpace, Facebook). I think she also auditioned with her friend on a whim and made it to Hollywood, leaving her Idol-crazy friend in the dust. Seriously, I’m sure she’s a normal person, and probably quite nice, but her name makes her sound like a Cartoon Network character. Perhaps her parents should have read the last chapter of this book. (DAP to the recently returned Mr. Tony–he recaps every single episode of Idol so I don’t have to)

4. Bridget Moynahan. A model, I think, who announced that she’s pregnant with Tom Brady’s (see below) baby. This comes as somewhat of a surprise, as Brady recently broke up with Moynahan to date another model. Hard to say what’s going to happen, but I’m sure it involves relentless ESPN coverage of the child’s pee-wee games. (DAP to the PTI guys for cluing me in on this important development)

5. american idol. The mother of all reality shows, now in its sixth season. I think it draws over 30m viewers every single episode. And last week I think there were over 30m votes. That’s astonishing! I’ve watched enough episodes of this show to make the following observations: 1) Paula Abdul is not a judge, she’s an affirmant; 2) Randy’s getting more critical this year (as is the overall tone of the show); 3) What Simon says, goes (funny, isn’t there a game like that?); 4) It takes a tremendous amount of talent to be able to sound good a capella on a pop song; 5) I expect to see a Cher episode of Idol this year; 6) Idol is infinitely better than the new Grease!reality show–blech!

6. ash wednesday. The first day of Lent (see below). The day after Fat Tuesday. It was last Wednesday. The day before last Thursday. It’s the day on which people get ashes on their forehead (the origin of which I don’t know, but will explore).

7. tom brady. Baby-Daddy, anyone? Brady is the New England Patriots’ stud (sic) quarterback. Everything Brady has touched has turned to gold (much to the chagrin of the hard-working staff of Ahab’s Quest)–he is almost assured a place in the Hall of Fame because he has won 3 Super Bowls with the Pats. A couple of years ago he tried to connect with the common man by admitting to surfing the Internets for licentious material. Now he’s coming even closer to the common man by having a child out of wedlock. By common man in that instance I meant Shawn Kemp.

8. dancing with the stars. An ABC reality show on which ’stars’…wait for it…dance. The show’s new ’season’ is imminent, and it has some “big name stars”: Heather Mills (moneygrabberex-wife of Paul McCartney), Clyde “The Glide” Drexler, Apolo Anton-Ohno, and Billy Rae Cyrus. Kind of playing it fast and loose with the word “stars,” don’t you think? My prediction: Clyde Drexler wins. How can he not win a dance competition with a name like “The Glide”?

9. lent. My understanding (and it is quite rudimentary) of lent is that it is a season to practice self-denial in order to perhaps understand Christ’s suffering and ultimately grow closer to God. Nathan has an excellent post about Lent over on Ahab’s Quest (replete with some great comments). NB: a certain breakfast-based blogger who shall remain nameless has given up spelunking. Now that’scommitment.

10. black snake moan. Yeah…I have no idea, and I don’t really want to speculate.

Wochegeist, week ending 06 Jan 07

We’re well into the new year now. My wife and I just returned from a nose hair-freezing trip to MN. It was great to see friends, family, and snow again (well, maybe not so much the snow). This is a little late–the next Google Zeitgeist comes out any time now–but I’ll give it a shot anyway. Look for a post on Mark McGwire and the Hall of Fame shortly.

1. New Year 2007. For some reason, I find it kind of silly to search for “new years” or “new year 2007.” Especially (yes, I ‘cheated’ to see what I’d get with this search) when the most popular search result is “Countdown to New Year 2008.” I’m a bit confused by that, but glad to know that the next new year will be 2008.
2. Saddam hanging. Self-explanatory–a mis-handled execution that turned into a taunting session. I think, of anyone, Saddam deserved the death penalty, but, as I’ve said before, it should have been carried out in a much more humane and dignified manner.
3. Spa. Can refer to any number of relaxing experiences, or the experience as a whole. Are people already so tired from their two weeks of new year workouts that they’re looking for spas? That’s the only thing I can think of.
4. Darrent Williams. Rookie (I think) CB of the Denver Broncos who was killed on New Years Day. This is incredibly sad for his family, and for the Broncos organization.
5. UFC. Ultimate Fighting Championship–a no-holds-barred, testosterone-soaked fighting group. This is the closest thing in real life to ‘Fight Club’, though it’s televised and ‘regulated.’ I don’t know why this is showing up.
6. Nick Saban. LSU Tigers Miami Dolphins Alabama Crimson Tide head football coach. He was the wonderkid of the NFL a couple of years ago, and promised Dolphins owner Wayne Huisinga that he wasn’t going anywhere. Now he’s getting $32m guaranteed to coach college football at Alabama. I’m not inclined to be for or against the move per se, I just don’t really know how a tide, which is composed of water, can be crimson. Is it a Chicago-River-on-St.-Patrick’s-Day situation? Does it have to do with Pharaoh and the plagues? Why crimson tide? And why, for Heaven’s sake, did Saban start Daunte “fumble fingers” Culpepper at the beginning of the season?
7. Nikki Cox. “Star” of the “hit” NBC series Las Vegas. I think she previously had her own series on the WB, too. She’s one of those ‘celebrities’ that you’d expect to see on Celebrity Fear Factor or some such nonsense. Very c-list. I have no idea why she’s on the list.
8. Windows Defender. An anti-virus(?), anti-spyware diagnostics program that allows you to defend against unwanted internet maladies, as well as manipulate your startup functions, etc. more easily. It’s a decent program (it just got updated, I think). Much more decent are the scores of free programs and software tips found at my new favorite website: Lifehacker. If only Windows were bullet-proof to begin with, it wouldn’t need a defender
9. Boise State. Boise State upset Oklahoma in the 2007 Fiesta Bowl (I think that’s the one, though goodness knows there’s a Corde5 Bowl in the works for 2008). If you haven’t seen the end-of-game highlights, they can be found here. That was some dope playcalling, yo. Now Idaho can be known for something other than potatoes…not likely.
10. FAFSA. Ah…a good friend over the last six years: Free Application for Federal Student Aid. I am okay with the government financing my education for right now, but in a few years I won’t be feeling so charitable. If only there were a FAFMGK (Free Application for Federal Money Given to Kyle) form to fill out. That would be awesome.

Wochegeist, 30 Dec 06

Hooray, it’s fun to be back. As always, this nifty little indicator provides the fodder for the Wochegeist (pronounced Woe-kuh-guy-st [the 'ke' is said like you're clearing your throat--very German-like]).

1. James Brown. Known as the “Godfather of Soul,” James Brown passed away on Christmas day (I think). Though I never really listened to his music (save a song from a show he did with DMB), the outpouring of affection has to say something about the guy. African-Italian mobsters everywhere mourn.

2. Saddam Hussein. The one time dictator of Iraq was hanged last week. Though I generally can find something to joke about (Saddam “Insane” used to be the hot insult), this whole ordeal does nothing but trouble me–especially the cell phone nonsense. Iraq’s a mess.

3. Che. The only Che I can think of is Che Guevarra, the revolutionary hero of Communists (and high school kids who want to stick it to the man) everywhere. Revolutionaries make me think of Ben Folds’s “Stan.” Picture Che Guevarra in shirt-and-tie, managing a Kinkos. The man, indeed.

4. Norad. Command Center for North American missile defense (I think). Why it’s in the consciousness, I don’t know. Perhaps there are countries out there who, given the opportunity, would hit America with a missle. Noooo…that can’t be it.

5. Gerald Ford. The 38th President of the United States passed away last week. By all the accounts and eulogies of the past week, it seems that Ford was a decent man. Perhaps the most memorable thing about Gerald Ford to people of my generation is Dana Carvey’s hilarious sketch about Tom Brokaw covering his bases. “Gerald Ford died today at the senseless age of 84.” “Gerald Ford died today, and I’m gay.” Priceless.

6. Jessica Cutler. The women I don’t know generally turn out to be one of two things: 1) purveyor of adult goods or 2) victim in a horribly sad criminal case. I’m going to go with option 2, because I’ll feel terrible if I go with option 1, and…well…you get the idea.

7. New Years. I can see it now: Bert’s at a Christmas party, chatting, drinking, making merry. All the sudden, Steve asks Bert what he’s doing for New Years. Trying not to show his panic, Bert shrugs it off and says, “Nothing.” Steve relents. After the party, Bert quickly races home, sits down at the computer, hops onto the Google and types in “new years.” Whew! That was a close one, Bert.

8. Dreamgirls. A new movie about Gladys Knight and the Pips, I think (though I could be wrong). At any rate, I know it’s a movie, and I know that the Today Show has had every possible member of the cast on for an interview (as has Oprah). It looks entertaining–and who knew Eddie Murphy could sing? I thought he could drop the F-bomb.

9. Music downloads. Come on, people. Who searches for “music downloads”? Honestly! That’s like walking through a forest and saying, “Can I find some trees in here?” At least be specific…ask where you can find the elms.

10. Weight Watchers. A weight loss system that actually does work. In my senior year of high school, I lost 40 lbs. on this plan. If you do it correctly (which I did for the most part), it’s really effective. And you still get to eat things you want. Funny how this isn’t a popular search come August.

A double dose of Wochegeist!

Okay, so I fell behind on the Wochegeist (from this little indicator) for a couple of weeks. Not to worry, here’s a double dose.

Week ending 9Oct06

1. Amish: A gentlemen took some Amish girls hostage and killed, I think, 6 girls before killing himself. This is the most recent in a spate of school violence. I would refer you to someone who was much closer to the situation (and who is a superb writer) for further insight.

2. Shanna Moakler: I think she’s the wife of the drummer from Blink 182. I think she’s also a purveyor of adult stuff. I have no idea why she’s in the news.

3. You’re Beautiful: Some popular song by some guy. Again, I’m a bit confused by its appearance. Do we have especially low self-esteem this week?

4. Mark Foley: Former Florida Congressman who resigned after word of perverted electronic messages to Congressional pages got out. You know how Treebeard and Co. break loose the dams of Isengard? Yeah, that was nothing compared to the torrent of Republican negativity that this unleashed. I heard even Karl Rove was thinking of changing parties.

5. BJ’s Wholesale: This is a grocery store, but why a grocery store appears on this list is beyond me. Was somebody made sick by this grocery store? Were they offering free beef? Did all the aisles collapse?

6. Texas Chainsaw Massacre: Apparently, there’s a new TCM movie coming out soon–the beginning of the story, if I’m not mistaken. Little do audiences know that “the beginning of the story” means the factory in which the chainsaws are made. Expect some innovative camera work as the film takes you through the step-by-step process of making chainsaws. Then, see some mortally scary looking guy come in and buy the chainsaw. That’s the true beginning.

7. Tatana Kucharova: Sounds like a gymnast, but probably someone who was involved in something disheartening.

8. Johnny Cash: A deceased, but nonetheless legendary, singer who is the subject of Walk the Line. There’s perhaps a new tribute album coming out, or maybe a lot of people were looking for black clothes.

9. Hips don’t lie: Other than the notion that hips cannot talk, and therefore cannot lie, this sounds like some sort of song or video that wouldn’t appeal to me in the slightest. Now if hips could lie, I’d be intrigued.

10. Line Rider: I’m clueless. What is “Someone who takes the Metro to work every day?”

Week ending 2Oct06

1. Terrell Owens: The most overblown, over-hyped, over-covered prima donna in the history of sports–and that’s saying something (Incidentally, ESPNTO is coming on the air in a few weeks). News came across the wires last week that he had attempted to commit suicide. When asked for comment, TO said, “I didn’t attempt suicide, but I attempted deicide. I love me some me!” I hope he’s one-and-done with the Cowboys, and then never plays again in the NFL. He’s just that annoying.

2. Ben Savage: The star of former hit family sitcom “Boy Meets World.” There was a nasty rumor of suicide/death floating around on the internet (cf. Jaleel White). He is fine, thank goodness–now I can enjoy the wholesome family fun of “Boy Meets World” with nary a care in the world.

3. Keri Ann Peniche: Unfortunately, this purveyor of adult stuff is still on the list (though, as this is the second week, I suspect it has less to do with her engagement to Aaron Carter than with the lowliness of male passions).

4. Mary Carey: Another purveyor of adult stuff. She ran for governor against Ahnold a couple years ago. Intelligent guessing says she’s running for office again. Please, oh please, don’t run again, Gary Coleman.

5. Mona Lisa: The highest Q-rated painting in the world. She either got cleaned, stolen, or came alive in all her smug glory. I’m hoping for the latter.

6. Bill Clinton: The 42nd President of the United States. He’s raising ruckus two ways: 1) His foundation is getting buco bucks for humanitarian aid. 2) A lively interview with a FOX News personality. There’s also some first-class political mud-slinging going on between the Capulets and the Montegues…I mean the Bushes and the Clintons.

7. Curious George: Perhaps the best non-human children’s book character of all time. (Sorry, Winnie. Bring it Clifford!) I know there was a recent movie, and I think there’s a new TV show based on the character. Is there any more non-descript character name than “the man in the yellow hat?” Talk about making one feel generalized.

8. Havanese: Is this the language they speak in Havana? How about a brand of clothing? A kind of cat? What one says to one’s brother after having a baby girl?

9. Halo War: Something to do with the first-person video game phenomenon that is ‘Halo.’ Perhaps all the geeks who play it are throwing down.

10. Ugly Betty: A new TV show on ABC that chronicles a Plain Jane who works in the fashion industry. It actually looks alright. Much better than ‘Skinny Pete,’ the show ABC almost ran about a guy trying to make it on the Green Bay Packers O-line. Scratch that, Skinny Pete probably could make the Packers’ O-line. (Aw, slam!)

I’m off to class, but I’ll post the jump later.

Wochegeist, week ending 9.25.06

It’s been a busy week ‘round here. (We always stay up late) Here’s the Google Zeitgeist. 

1. Elin Nordegren: Tiger Woods’ wife. She was the center of a newspaper scandal last week, in which a Dublin newspaper had a risque layout of someone who they claimed as Elin. The problem: it isn’t her. Tiger is understandably furious. The reason this is number 1 is that men are pigs.
2. Ryder Cup: A golf event in which the US plays Europe in a team matchup. The US team got crushed! US involvement in international competition has been embarrassing of late. First losing in the World Baseball Championship, then the World Basketball Championships, now the Ryder Cup. I think I speak for all Americans when I say, “You know, our domestic sports are much more interesting and important to me than the international competitions. I find it hard to care.”
3. Deal or No Deal: The plague (ostensibly called a “game show”) that Howie Mandel unleashed on the world. It’s beginning a new season. Let me get this straight, one of the most popular shows in America is one on which contestants win by guessing?!?! At least with other game shows there’s a modicum of skill involved. If a chimpanzee could legitimately perform a task in the same manner, there should be no televising of said task.
4. America’s Next Top Model: The overly-dramatic, self-important reality show about supermodels. Reality TV can be entertaining (‘The Next Food Network Star’ was good TV, ‘Project Runway’ can be watchable), but this is among the less watchable reality shows. The larger question is: “What do we mean by ‘reality’ in the context of ‘reality TV’?”
5. TMX Elmo: I’ve gotta be honest, this scares me a little bit. On first glance, it looks like some intergalactic Sesame Street character. I’m sure it’s something cute and cuddly like Tickle Me Elmo—some toy that’s sure to fly off the shelves. However, the idea of naming something TMX Elmo doesn’t make sense to me. That’s like marketing a Briar Patch Doll, no?
6. Kari Ann Peniche: I’m going to say I don’t know and leave it at that. The public interest can be fairly…perverse.
7. Grey’s Anatomy: An ABC show about sex and the doctors who have it. I’ve truthfully never watched an episode, and I probably never will. But when the question, “Whose panties are on the bulletin board?” creeps into the promo, one can make a pretty accurate value judgment.
8. Talk like a pirate day: Sometime last week was talk like a pirate day. It didn’t go over too well when I said, “Give me all your money and possessions or I’ll kill you!” to a coworker. I had no idea it was just referring to saying things like ‘yar’ and ‘avast.’ Oops.
9. Rachael Ray: There are two sources of energy on the planet: Rachel Ray, and the sun (which reflects the energy of Rachel Ray). She’s got a new daytime talk show, in which she’ll cook people and give advice to delicious meals. Sounds like a modest proposal to me.
10. Amaranth: This sounds like a place in Middle Earth. I have no idea.

Wochegeist, week ending 9.18.06

Yes, dear reader, I do still keep up this blog. The school year is in full swing (which means lots of reading/studying) and I’ve started an internship at one of the government agencies here in DC (which means lots of time at the internship). Needless to say, the blog has fallen down a bit on my list of priorities.

At any rate, I’m back for a (slightly late) Wochegeist. But before I get to the meat and potatoes, I’d like to send many happy birthday wishes to the purveyor of this blog. He’s one of the best friends a guy could ever ask for. May your birthday be filled with visions of biscuits and gravy, my friend. (Just think of the ‘reality’ (and uber-tastiness) of B ‘n’ G in Lewis’s Heaven. Mmmmmm.)

Also, I am a contributor to another blog that focuses on masterworks of International Relations. If you’re extremely bored, mosey on over there and check out my (and others’) musings on Thucydides, Machiavelli, and Hobbes (so far).

And now, to less important matters:

1. Anna Nicole Smith – Something happened to her 20-year old son while she was giving birth to a baby girl in Bermuda. While I feel badly for her about her loss, sometimes I question whether she is, in fact, a real person.
2. Debra Lafave – I’m going to guess that she is a teacher who had sex with children. The unknown females (or males) on this list tend to be pedophiles.
3. 9/11 – I’m running out of poignent ways to say “The 2001 day that 3,000 people died in terrorist attacks.”
4. Salman Rushdie – Novelist who is the subject of a death fatwa because of his Satanic Verses. Also, the subject of deliciously funny speculation in an episode of Seinfeld. Turns out the guy was Sal-bass. I’m not sure why he is on the current list, though.
5. Dancing with the Stars – A hit show on ABC in which professional dancers pair up with “celebrities” to compete in a dance-off. If you ask me, they’re playing it pretty fast and loose with the word “stars.” Perhaps “Dancing with the people you may have heard of but got lost somewhere in your consciousness” didn’t have the same ring to it.
6. Twin Towers – See entry 3
7. Dog the Bounty Hunter – The main character/real person of a ‘COPS’-style show. He got arrested for, if my memory serves me correctly, illegally arresting somebody. Wha happen?
8. Minimum Wage – A perennial campaign issue and sore spot for hourly workers. It’s been more discussed as of late, but it hasn’t changed in quite a while.
9. Zune – Microsoft’s attempt to cut into the market share of the iPod. If you ask me, the name’s kind of stupid. I imagine the naming conversation going something like this: Guy 1: “Let’s call it an iJukebox.” Guy 2: “You’re an idiot. We can’t put an ‘i’ in front of any word. That’s Apple’s thing.” Guy 1: “Let’s call it an ePod.” Guy 2: “Now you’re just being derivative. They’re going to hear it and think ‘iPod’.” Guy 1: “How about Zune?” Guy 2: “I’m going to work for Apple.”
10. Daniel Smith – I’m going to guess, simply by virtue of the last name, that this is Anna Nicole Smith’s late son.

Wochegeist, week ending 9.11.06

1. Steve Irwin – Australian TV personality/conservationist who was killed by a stingray barb. Incidentally, ‘J’ and I saw some stingrays at the National Aquarium in Baltimore. Some of those things are massive.

2. Suri Cruise – The baby of Tom Cruise (Redskins fan) and Katie Holmes (begrudging wife who goes to the game). She has more hair than a certain blog’s administrator, which is quite amazing. Well, not that amazing, but definitely not normal. Anyway, she was unveiled by an Anne Liebowitz spread in…

3. Vanity Fair – The rag that published the spread on Suri. Wow. Reading that sentence, it sounds like someone put some cream cheese on Suri Cruise. Funny.

4. Jack Kerouac – A novelist. That’s all I know. I’m not sure why he’s in the consciousness this week.

5. William Shatner Star Trek – The perpetually annoying portrayer of Captain Kirk (cf. Travelocity). Again, I’m not sure why he’s the subject of so many searches. Perhaps there’s a new movie coming out, or something.

6. Nip Tuck – A show on F/X I believe. Something tells me it’s about plastic surgery. Personally, I think a better show title for such material would be “Botox Boulevard” or “Please let me make you look plastic.” There’s probably a new season starting soon.

7. Twin Towers – Self explanatory, really. This past Monday was the five year anniversary of the anomalous day of all anomalous days.

8. Dana Plato – Um….I have no idea. I’m loth to make a joke because many search subjects are linked to bad news. Perhaps she lives in a cave somewhere.

9. Brady Quinn – The Notre Dame QB, for some reason, continues to be popular. Funny thing is, he actually crosses himself before throwing a Hail Mary pass. It’s quite a sight.

10. September 11 – Again, self-explanatory. Definitely the most surreal day I (and most other Americans) have experienced in my life.

Wochegeist, week ending 9/4/06

This week’s Google Zeitgeist list looks a bit tougher. Let’s dive right in.

N.B. I changed the name to ‘wochegeist’ because it more accurately describes that which Google is trying to measure.

1. Steve Irwin – Sadly, Steve Irwin died this past Sunday. An avid Animal Planet fan, my wife was taken aback. He was struck in the heart by stingray barb. He leaves behind a wife and two young children.
2. US Open – Again, the major tennis tournament that takes place each year at Flushing Meadows in NYC. Women’s tennis has some intrigue, but men’s tennis (aside from Agassi’s run) is pretty ho-hum. Maybe Andy Roddick will decide to make some noise.
3. Brynn Cameron – I have no idea, so I’m going to guess that this is a sibling of either famed teen star Kirk or British politician David.
4. Kyra Phillips – C’mon, what’s the big deal? So she went to the bathroom with her microphone on and dissed her sister-in-law. What’s that? It was on live TV, you say*? And during a Presidential address? Woah. Well, maybe her sister-in-law didn’t hear it.
5. Andre Agassi – A tearful exit from the US Open this weekend. He was a great tennis player, and seems to have a decent head on his shoulders. It used to be that he only had a decent head of hair, but he’s matured.
6. Hurricane John – The hurricane that hit the Left coast over the weekend. It was bigger than Ernesto, but smaller than Rita. That sounds like some sort of environmental logic puzzle.
7. Gillian Chung – No clue. I vaguely recall something to do with Chinese freedom of speech this week.
8. Beyonce – The young woman who brought forth the ‘bootylicious’ plague on the world. A pox on your house, Beyonce. I don’t know why she’s higher in the public consciousness.
9. Carolyn Kepcher – Again, no idea. Perhaps she’s a new network news anchor. Oh wait…that’s…
10. Katie Couric – After an interminable amount of months that saw chatter about what she would wear and whether they would show her legs, Katie Couric doled out the hard-hitting journalism in a post-Labor Day white coat (did she just get back from the chemistry lab?). And yes, Virginia, they did show her legs. In fact, right away. I give her a year. Tops.
11. John Mayer – Gangly guitarist/musician. Sounds like he’s got sandpaper lining his vocal cords (and not in the sort-of-cool Louis Armstrong kind of way). If I remember right, he’s supposedly dating Jessica ‘Chicken of the Sea’ Simpson. It’s a perfect match. If by perfect match you mean he’s funny looking and she’s…perhaps ‘naive’ is the best way to put it.
12. Brady Quinn – The Heisman-candidate Notre Dame QB. Notre Dame beat Georgia Tech if I remember correctly. Not to be confused with QB Tom Brady, or actor (and ‘Book of Daniel’ star Adrian Quinn.
13. Serena Williams – One of the few women who could legitimately knock a big guy unconscious with one punch. Seriously. She tanked in the US Open this past weekend. If she wanted to, she could get to the top again, but she seems to have more of a penchant for fashion these days.
14. Warren Jeffs – Leader of some creepy polygamist cult who was caught last week. I know there are people who denounce Christianity as myth, legend, and poppycock, but this stuff is pretty bizarre. The guy basically arranges rape. Blech!
15. Sharapova – A female tennis player from Russia (think Anna Kournikova with a talent for tennis) who is still in the US Open (to my knowledge). She’s also the subject of the new “I Feel Pretty” Nike campaign. It’s a pretty clever ad campaign. Now if they could get Tony Kornheiser to do an ad spot like that, it’d be solid gold!

How’d I do?

Wochegeist, Week ending 8/28/06

In his house-cleaning over at the Corde5 blog, Jason wrote today that he’s giving up the zeitgeist. For some reason, random (mostly useless) things seem to stick in my head, so I figured I’d pick up where he left off. Each week, as Google releases it’s ‘Zeitgeist’ list, I’ll take my best shot at what each search term means. I’ll correct any mistakes after the jump.
“What is the zeitgeist?” you may ask. According to the Oxford American College Dictionary, ‘zeitgeist’ means:

the defining spirit or mood of a particular period of history as shown by the ideas and beliefs of the time.

[Ed. I've decided to call it 'wochegeist' (spirit of the week) rather than 'zeitgeist,' because I'm not sure a week counts as a 'time' in the sense that 'zeitgeist' implies.]

So, here goes the inaugural attempt:

1. Pluto – The former planet that got dissed this past week. It got demoted to “dwarf planet.” Word has it that Pluto’s got a petition in to international scientists to change the classification to the more politically correct “little people planet.”
2. National Hurricane Center – The place (in Florida) where hurricanes are tracked. This got so many hits this week because of…
3. Hurricane Ernesto – The tropical storm that can’t quite make up its mind as to whether it’s a hurricane or not. If I remember right, it’s supposed to hit Florida/the Gulf Coast by tomorrow or Friday.
4. Natascha Kampush – I think this is the 18-year old girl from–is it the former Soviet Union?–who escaped from her captor of eight years. She did housework for him, apparently. She was vacuuming out his car, he stepped away to make a phone call, she left the vacuum running (smart young lady) and split. He subsequently threw himself in front of a train. Yeesh.
5. Silent Hill – A new movie that’s coming out shortly. I’m not sure what it’s about, but I know it’s a horror movie.
6. Emmys – The primetime TV awards show that aired on Sunday the 27th. I’ve read that Conan O’Brien was darn good, and that ‘24′ and ‘The Office’ took home the big prizes. Julia Louis Dreyfuss also broke the ‘Seinfeld’ curse, it seems.
7. Cheetah girls – Um…no idea. My guess is that there were some cheetah cubs born recently.
8. Apple Battery Recall – My guess is that this comes on the heels of Dell’s battery recall. I don’t know if any Apple computers have burst in to flames (Apple Crisp, anyone?), but it’s perhaps better to be safe than sorry.
9. Beerfest – A new movie about beer and women. This looks like the sorriest excuse for a movie to come out this year. Mind you, this year has seen such stellar movies as ‘Little Man,’ ‘Snakes on a Plane’ and ‘Material Girls.’ What a waste of money.
10. Tom Cruise – I think, I think…he’s an actor? Seen in such movies as ‘The Outsiders’ and ‘Vanilla Sky.’ He’s in the news this week because Paramount decided to get rid of the crazy. Daniel Snyder, a bit crazy himself, signed him on a couple days ago. Still no sign of Suri.
11. US Open - The tennis tournament currently taking place at Flushing Meadows in Queens, NY. This year is Andre Agassi’s swan song. It’s also Andy Roddick’s chance to prove that he’s more than a fast serve and a handsome smile.
12. Vince Papale – The real-life subject of the new movie ‘Invincible.’ He walked on, and made, the Philadelphia Eagles team in the 1980s. It’s funny how the title of the movie incorporates his name. Good thing his hame wasn’t Corrig. That would have been a completely different movie.
13. Hurricane Katrina – The disaster that hit the gulf coast at this time last year. Things are still moving slowly toward recovery down there, but it looks like some progress is being made.
14. Comair – The company whose regional airplane crashed just after takeoff in Lexington, KY. The plane took off from the wrong runway. I believe the crash killed 47, leaving only the co-pilot as a survivor.
15. Katherine Heigl – I think she’s an actress on ‘Grey’s Anatomy.’ Sadly, I know this because she was on a couple of the “best dressed at the Emmys” lists.